I'm tired

I lost some people this past month. Three people actually, and I have been running from accepting it and I'm finally tired.

I have been partying, so I would not have to face the reality that I lost three people close to me.
I'm tired.



I'm tired of hoping that I'll wake up and they will be here. I'm tired of hearing that this is God's plan. I know it is. I'm tired of thinking that I shouldn't be upset anymore. I'm tired of having headaches. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of death.

I'm just tired.

I'm tired of hoping that those people stop chastising me. I'm tired of giving them that consideration. I'm tired of doing something for them and they do not return the gesture. I'm tired of being in second place. I'm tired of treating it as if its a race. I'm tired of being alone in this. I'm tired of being the catalyst, and not being appreciated for it. Hell, I'm tired of not being appreciated period. I'm tired of not being heard. Why should I listen to you, you don't listen to me... I'm tired of being ignored, too. I'm tired of them not giving me a chance. I'm tired of the attitudes and the regret and the damn guilt. I'm tired of being blamed. I'm tired of being expected to fix it.

I'm tired of trying to figure out what he meant. I'm tired of not understanding why. I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired trying. I'm tired of trying to let him go, when I know he is gone. I'm tired of trying to remember everything about him. There's too much.

I'm tired of missing him. I'm tired of them not missing him.

I'm just tired.