Borrowed Relationship

I have been truly single since I had my second child. There have been associations with men, where I thought I was in a relationship, but...

I currently I have been occasionally hooking up with someone I've known for years. Familiarity, comfortable-ness.

I realized this weekend, that it is a borrowed relationship. We are only getting what we cant get from someone we really want. I have always said that if this man would leave his wife, that I would snatch him up quick, but honestly probably not.
He is only seeing me because I give him what his wife doesn't sexually. He may care for me but only because we have history. I'm sure we both share those feelings of genuine concern for each other. I know that, and I accept that.

But the passion and desire for each other, its borrowed.

There have many times when I have revisited a past lover because its comfortable. There is no chance of a true relationship, because we both have luggage and things from either the first encounter or previous relationship altogether. Its rough.

Why do we do that only to realize after we invest time, energy and emotions that's its not ours, "they are not ours."


They are borrowed. The relationship is borrowed, the feelings are borrowed. Even the time is "borrowed time."

I went on a date with someone new recently. Someone I had just met. We talked, we laughed, we had a nice time. So nice that I agreed to meet him again. This time we really got to know each other. And I realized that he talked alot about a past love.

Gees, this is familiar. He has been single for 8 months, but his heart still belongs to her. He belongs to her, so what are we doing? I'm going to tell him today...